Marvin was standing in front of the morgue drawer, talking with its occupants: Mutt & Jeff.

Mutt & Jeff had mistakenly been declared "dead" a few days prior after a misunderstanding at the Emperoro's Gala and ended up stuck in the drawer for two days before Marvin released them.

All of the humans were awaiting emergency responders to arrive on the scene due to a pair of very recent deaths that had occurred right outside the morgue's doorway.

Emergency Response Unit 3AC reporting.

A docbot had arrived & was examining one of the two Foogahn bodies laying outside the doorway.

Emergency Response Unit Z34 reporting.

Another docbot joined the first & started examining the second Fooghan corpse.

"Ahem. I am looking for Marvin; I was told he would be here." a Fooghan was looking in from the corridor.

"I'm Marvin. Are you Doctor N'gal'm?" Marvin responded.

"Yes, pleased to meet you! It is my first official day as the C'zeft hospital head of xenoscience division. Straing thing is that I have no experience with non-Foogahns, ha ha!" Doctor N'gal'm laughed nervously.

"Are these the two 'dead' humans? Do humans routinely rejuvenate after death?" the doc continued.

"Well, we were thought to be dead, but then we woke up!" said Mutt.

Marvin interjected: "Doc, you'll probably want to get a biohazard or environmental suit. Neither of these slackers is wearing a SocialSuit and the human biome is known to have very aggressive effects on non-Terrans. Wouldn't want you getting sick on your first day on the job, would we?"

"Well, humph, will I be safe if I stay in the hallway?" the doctor asked.

"Should be, but be sure to stay at least 2m away from them until you or they are wearing the proper protective gear."

The two docbots had finished their examination and were idling in the doorway. When they noticed a break in the conversation, 3AC reported

Both subjects found dead on arrival. Preliminary findings indicate cause of death to be "spontaneous systemic overpressure causing instantaneous cessation of function. Further information may be discerned via a full autopsy.

Z34 wandered off and began preparing the corpses for removal, while 3AC asked

Two functional humans together in a morgue drawer is highly unusual. Is medical treatment required here?

"Why yes, docbot; Can you give these two a basic physical while you're here?" Marvin requested.

The docbot hovered over and adjusted its height for easier access to the morgue drawer and began scanning the two humans while Doc N'gal'm watched from outside the door.

According to the Galacticum medical database, these two humans are both suffering from a cranial ecchymosis, but are otherwise functioning within normal limits.

"I'll tell you what's outside 'normal limits'" Jeff piped up "I ate very well at the Gala banquet and after two days in the box, I've got to go."

From the hallway, Doctor N'gal'm asked "Where would you go right now?"

Marvin started to remind the Foogahn doctor about donning a protective garment, but instead shouted "Stand clear, Doc!" as he saw Jeff jump off the drawer and head toward the door.

Doctor N'gal'm had jumped to the end of the corridor away from any possible destination and turned to see Jeff moving down the corridor in a manner unseen so far on any of the video provided by the Terrans or Galacticum.

"What is wrong with him? Why is he walking that way?" he asked Marvin, who'd moved out in the corridor to keep an eye on Jeff.

3AC, upon hearing concerns from the Foogahn doctor regarding Jeff, left the morgue and moved smartly down the corridor, catching up with Jeff.

Marvin firmly told the doctor "He's doing what's called 'the poop walk'. If you wish to continue observing, we need to get you into a protective suit, now. Let's go". They headed up the stairs to find a supply room.

"I'm fine, thanks!" Mutt yelled after them as he rolled off the drawer and began looking for clothes.

Jeff poop-walked down the corridor, pausing at the stairwell to scan the directional signage. what luck! he thought there is a biohazard containment & disposal facility at the other end of this corridor!. He kept up his poop walk, and palmed the control that opened the first massive airlock door of the facility.

The heavy reinforced airtight door started to move, but too slowly for his needs, so he reached out and - to the screech of hinges - yanked the door open enough so he could squeeze through. Once on the other side, he palmed the "close" button and similarly yanked the door almost shut.

After the sloooow (from Jeff's point of view) process, he was inside the biohazard containment facility proper. 3AC had followed him inside, monitoring him the whole time.

Jeff found a receptacle, did his business and beat a hasty retreat from the facility, leaning against the outer face of the interior blast door with a relieved smile upon his face.

FOOMPH

Marvin & Doc N'gal'm had just stepped off the last stairstep on to the basement floor when a short vigorous tremor hit. Mutt stumbled a bit, but used the wall to balance himself. N'gal'm - who had six legs - had no issues riding the tremor out.

Doctor N'gal'm had found a biohazard suit and was wearing it as they moved out into the corridor. The morgue end of the hallway looked as they'd left it, but the biohazard containment facility airlock door was displaying "emergency" lights and Jeff was angled acutely, holding the vault door shut.

Marvin & Doc N'gal'm ran down the corridor toward Jeff. "What happened? Are you all right?" Marvin asked breathlessly.

Jeff spoke from his wedge position: "Man, I'd just done my business and gotten through the inner door when the world flashed & shook!"

"I was knocked off my feet, but I got up and got the fuck out. Thought that maybe I should hold this one shut, just 'cuz . ."

Hospital staff had started to gather around the stairwell, but weren't able to join Marvin & N'gal'm due to Jeff still being buck naked (presenting a biohazard to the unprepared Galactican).

Doctor N'gal'm approached the access panel for the huge door and called up some statistics. "No sign of any biohazard leaks inside the airlock but the interior door is showing an 'offline' status."

The Foogahn moved to the observation portal on the right side of the vault door and peered inside. "Interesting. All the visual indicators are showing 'disconnected from input' and the inner vault's observation portal has gone completely opaque and appears to have been partially moved into the airlock's interior."

"Is that bad or good?" Marvin asked.

"Modern biohazard containment systems are built to the same specs as our old wartime bunkers (that were meant to survive anything but planetary destruction); the observation crystals are grown in a truncated cruciform so the 'wings' can be embedded into the structure surrounding what was meant to be seen into, insuring a very durable installation."

"Okay", Marvin murmered. "What are you getting at, doc?"

"In my non-engineering opinion, whatever happened inside the inner chamber had enough power to sheer the center of the crystal from all four of its 'wings' and then moved it out into the inner airlock. That took a lot of power."

 

-- Two weeks later --

Mutt & Jeff were sitting in the Terran ambassador's office. Aside from two nicely healing forehead bruises, they were fully recovered from their ordeal and were here for a situation report regarding the hospital mishap.

"The Foogahns thought you two were dead because you two caught multiple simultaneous blasts from their riotblasters. When you didn't respond to their attempts at resuscitation, they marked you off and sent you to the morgue."

Both men nodded. Marvin sat on the couch at the back of the room, perusing an old periodical from Earth on his datapad.

"The Foogahns aren't worried about the accidental deaths of their people. You guys didn't mean any harm and weren't aware of how fragile they are." the ambassador continued.

"At the moment, they're not that concerned with the craters your hard heads left in the hallway floor of the palace.

"However, they are very concerned with how a single naked human managed to nearly destroy their hospital."

"Wait, what?" "Huh?" from both men.

"Over the past two weeks, the Foogahns have been investigating and have found the following:" began the ambassador.

"They've found their hospital is now slightly off axis. SOMEHOW YOU SHIFTED THE WHOLE BUILDING."

Mutt & Jeff looked at each other.

"To continue, they've also discovered massive fissures between the lower level of the hospital and the bedrock it was sitting in."

"The Foogahns still haven't been able to get the inner airlock hatch open, but were able to completely remove the busted 'observation crystal' and send a drone in to the biohazard chamber."

The ambassador was on a roll "They were able to gather enough data from the drone to field a theory as to what happened. Wanna guess what they currently think it was?"

"Don't keep us in suspense, boss." replied Mutt.

"As you know, human effluent is highly hazardous to any Galacticum species. As the 4th platoon, 183d Marines found out a while back, some planetary atmospheres are highly reactive with human effluent."

"What are you talking about, Ambassador?" Jeff asked.

"YOUR FUCKING FARTS EXPLODED, YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!" shouted the ambassador.

"The Foogahns found the curiously corroded remains of a docbot in the facility and their working theory is that your 'atmospheric effluvia' was too hazardous for its construction to withstand, and as it was disintegrated by your gaseous output, something shorted inside it and BOOM."

"Now what am I supposed to tell the Foogahn government?"

Mutt piped up "You could tell them it coulda been worse, boss."

"Yeah," Jeff cut in; "Taco Bell hasn't offered franchise opportunities here, yet"